Murphy's Law is the name of a non-canon entertainment series/comedic fanfiction created by Driving Park, also the author of the dormant Athalian Idol game show. It is the first entertainment program by its creator that uses the formula of Noxonshaw: Off-the-Stage, where the author plays every character including those that aren't his, rather than bringing in the other authors like the Ganonshaw and Noxonshaw proper (as well as Athalian Idol). Unlike any of NarayanK's shows, Murphy's Law is set in the Athalia universe and mirrors the events of the canon seasons, but with a twist: as the name suggests, it is constructed around the central concept of everything going wrong for everyone all the time. It is not strictly an entertainment show like the Noxonshaw, but rather somewhere in between a fanfiction and an entertainment show, and variously qualifies as both during each episode. Its humorous tone is evident throughout, and it sometimes brings in characters from other entertainment programs. The other unique feature of Murphy's Law is that every episode is "sponsored" by a different company or product, which contributes to the framework of the episode.
Episode One: Sponsored by NERF®
Location: Athalia Academy (Pavella, Oasari)
Characters: Caleb "Crash" Waterfront, Lily Brightendale, Maria Cross, Brako Rackshaw, Katherine Argall, Kali Rana, Carmen Calandra
Other Appearances: Shaun White, Apophis, Ganondorf, Barack Obama, the entire cast of West Wing, the surf shop cashier from Season Two
Mentions: Ryuu Yamauchi, Mizuki, Andromeda Barker, Oliver Cohen, Macbeth, Idolon, Thane
----
What if everything that could go wrong, did go wrong...but for everyone, and not just one side of good vs. evil?
The world is a cruel and unforgiving place, but typical fictions only demonstrate that hardship for one side.
And none truly let the most powerful entity of all, Murphy's Law, wreak havoc in unbridled fury.
Well, the era of nerfing this omnipotent force is over.
And it will be accomplished simply by nerfing everyone else. (Buy the new NERF® N-Strike Mega Rotofury Blaster today!)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Crash rode down the winding cobblestone roads of Pavella on his motorbike. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Crash was smiling as he whisked up and down the beautiful mountain town's picturesque streets with wind in his hair. As he rode, he took a moment to think about everything that had happened to him and his friends, reminiscing about all the times they shared together, and about all the people he used to know that didn't make it through Marcus' invasion. He thought about Lily. He thought about Carmen. He thought about Ryuu. He thought about Kathy...oh, did he think about Kathy. That radiant soul that came into his life and gave him so much more to live for.
As the red-haired shapeshifter focused more and more on his thoughts, he focused less and less on the road and crashed into a fire hydrant, getting catapulted over his handlebars and smashing through a shop window, coming to rest at a pair of feet with no small amount of bruises.
Lily Brightendale looked down at the shapeshifter. She looked up at the smashed window, and then through it as she watched Crash's motorbike get run over by a bus. In the distance she could hear tires screeching and the unmistakable sound of an 18-wheeler that made a wrong turn and was far too large for Pavella's winding roads lock up its brakes to avoid the bus, jackknife, and fall off a cliff before exploding 500 feet below.
She looked down at the red-haired man once more.
"Crash..." she said with a sigh. "I JUST replaced that window! You know that I don't have unlimited money, right?"
Crash slowly stood up, groaning with pain as several of his joints announced that they were not currently in a good mood.
"I..." He scratched the back of his neck as he tried to muster some words. "I'm so sorry, I just..."
Then a thought popped into his head.
"Wait..."
"That window got broken recently? Before I crashed into it, I mean."
Lily sighed, and replied matter-of-factly,
"Yeah...Ryuu crashed through it after crashing his motorbike on the fire hydrant just two days ago."
"WHAT?!"
"It's been one of those weeks."
In the distance, Crash and Lily thought they could hear the recognizable sound of a high-speed passenger train slamming into the remains of the exploded semi truck 500 feet below.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Where IS everyone?" Maria asked from behind her desk. "I haven't seen any of the old souls around here yet."
"I think they're mostly in the infirmary," said Crash, who had several bandages attached to him in various places.
"Mostly? What happened? And why aren't you there too?"
Crash shifted back and forth from foot to foot as he stood at Maria's door. "Well, from what I've heard, Ryuu is still recovering from his motorcycle accident, Lily contracted a freak case of smallpox, Mizuki got hit by a meteor, Carmen broke a nail, Kathy tripped while walking to your office and landed on her face, Andromeda ate something that her snakes were allergic to, and Oliver was building a computer but forgot to ground himself."
"..."
Maria had no words.
"...When did all of this happen?"
"Oh, I don't know...last week, I think?"
"WHAT?! Where are the nurses?"
Crash rubbed his forehead. "Um...I think I heard they're in a real hospital with cases of influenza."
"Wait, so all of those people have been sitting in the infirmary for a week? Can't they just leave?"
"The doors are broken from the inside."
"................"
Just then one of Maria's giant windows was smashed to pieces as Shaun White, pro snowboarder extraordinaire, tumbled across the room before slamming into the opposite wall. The sound of a helicopter exploding directly below came seconds later. The heavy framed paiinting on the wall above fell and landed on the snowboarder's legs.
Maria and Crash blinked.
Shaun White proceeded to stumble up and grin awkwardly at the two. "Sorry about that. I've gotta go see if my pilot is ok!" He took one step and then fell on his face. "...yep, it's definitely broken," he muffled from his place on the rug.
"Didn't your helicopter explode?" Crash asked.
"Yeah, but the pilot jumped out before I did, but forgot his parachute so he landed in a tree. He's probably chill, bro."
From outside, Shaun's pilot could be heard crying for help. Soon after, the sound of paramedics tripping and falling onto a park bench in unison as they ran towards him was heard.
Maria sighed. "I'm amazed nobody's attacked us yet."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"It says 'Apofis'."
Brako shrugged.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN '-shrugs-'?!" Maria barked. "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?!"
"Uhhh...that Apophis might be a guest speaker for the opening ceremony tomor-"
"THAT APOPHIS MIGHT BE A GUEST SPEAKER FOR THE OPENING CEREMONY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh."
Maria's chair broke and she fell backwards.
Brako tried not to laugh.
He did not succeed.
Maria pulled out a shotgun and tried to shoot Brako, but it jammed so she threw it at him instead. She missed, but only because the floor under Brako collapsed and he fell into the room below.
Where Kathy and Crash were about to make out.
In the distance, Kali Rana could be heard shaking her fist in frustration at the universe.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The students of the new Athalia Academy had all gathered for the opening ceremony. It was a momentous occasion - the Academy was finally going to be opened. It looked beautiful, apart from the destroyed wall and garden where Shaun White's helicopter had crashed, Maria's broken office window, and the spire that was missing after a 747 that got misdirected flew too low and knocked it off before pulling up and exploding for no reason.
In attendance were many old faces, mostly bandaged, equally many new faces that were also equally bandaged, Shaun White, the entire cast of West Wing, three hosts of the Noxonshaw, Apophis, Macbeth, Idolon, Thane, the surf shop cashier from Season Two, and Barack Obama.
Amazingly, Barack Obama was not asked to make a speech, but instead to walk up to the podium just so he could say "Let me be clear." This was done completely randomly in the middle of Carmen's speech about how everyone should come to her fashion shop, which had recently been shaken up when a bulldozer ran into it.
There were many speeches, and in fact it had been specified that this ceremony would be longer than each student's commencement ceremony upon graduation. The programs were full of useful information, including the order of the speeches, when Carmen's band would play, when Carmen's band wouldn't play, when it was forecast to have a torrential downpour in the middle of the ceremony, and when all the officers of Hell that were in the audience were going to attack.
Apophis' speech was the last thing on the schedule before the attack. The audience was eagerly anticipating when Apophis was going to draw a weapon in the middle of his speech to signal the attack, as outlined in the program notes.
So Apophis started his speech, and it was really not very good. He talked mostly about how he wished he could write more fanfiction without being walked in on, and that torturing people was fun but so was having a library card. Unfortunately, just when Apophis was getting the hang of it the entire PA system spontaneously exploded.
This caused Apophis to get slightly annoyed, which meant that THE ATTACK WAS ON.
Apophis screamed and laughed maniacally, but that subsided very quickly when he reached into his coat and pulled out...
Two NERF® N-Strike Maverick revolvers.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...I can't even have a Longshot?"
"HA HA, SUCK IT APOPHIS!"
Ganondorf presented a Longshot from the audience and waved it in front of him, taunting the Deity of Chaos.
"WAIT WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING WITH US? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY DO YOU GET A LONGSHOT?"
"Because I'm the best."
At that moment Link, the Hero of Time, came out of nowhere and defeated Ganondorf, but in the midst of his celebration got hit by a truck.
"But there aren't any roads in the Academy ceremonial grounds."
I know, but it was funny so I put it in anyway.
Apophis decided that in spite of his NERF® guns, he would still be able to defeat everyone in Athalia with the help of his compatriots, who also all had NERF® guns. In fact, everyone present at the ceremony had NERF® guns because this episode is sponsored by NERF®. Buy yours today and be like Apophis!
An epic NERF® battle started.
However, before it could finish and the walk around and collect ammo phase could begin, the torrential downpour specified in the program notes began. Everyone screamed and ran inside like a sissy, except everyone who wasn't supposed to be in the Academy. Obama climbed in Marine One and was flown back to DC. His helicopter did not explode because he already had to deal with Donald Trump, the worst possible outcome. The officers of Hell ran as fast as they could, screaming along the way, as they tried to find the portal to get back to Hell. Unfortunately, the portal had been impounded by the local police as it was in a no parking zone.
The hosts of West Wing got in a limo, which immediately exploded because the show has been over for a long time.
The hosts of Noxonshaw had nothing out of the ordinary for a Noxonshaw happen, and had to deal with Optimus Prime suddenly appearing out of nowhere and destroying more of the Academy for no reason. Fortunately, their portal was not parked in a no parking zone so they were able to leave.
As for the Athalians, well, they all contracted malaria and had to be admitted to the infirmary again.
Episode Two: Sponsored by Call of Duty®
Ryuu sat on a bench.
It was a nice bench.
That is, until it BLEW UP FOR NO REASON.
Ryuu flew through the air, and thought "y?"
Then he slammed into a wall so hard that he definitely should have died. But he didn't.
Instead he saw a bunch of red in his eyes, which gradually faded away and then he felt totally normal.
"Wh-"
Before the otaku could finish saying "What?" The wall he was standing in front of BLEW UP FOR NO REASON.
Actually, it had a little bit of a reason.
Because somebody had detonated a shaped charge on the other side of it.
As Ryuu got up once more, dazed with fading red in his eyes, he saw an entire platoon of U.S. Army soldiers charge past him, moving erratically and shooting their weapons almost as much as they were throwing grenades. He couldn't tell exactly what they were shooting at, but for some reason he could tell that he had a kill streak of zero.
"Hm."
The sunglasses-wearing Athalian walked through the hole in the wall into the Academy to try to make sense of things, thinking that if Maria sees this, she will have a FIT.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Maria was having a FIT.
But not because of the platoon of U.S. Army soldiers that had just breached one of the walls of the brand new Academy.
But because "ANOTHER HELICOPTER BLEW UP MY OTHER OFFICE WINDOW."
Specifically, it was a helicopter that one of the U.S. Army soldiers had gotten for his killstreak, that subsequently got shot down by an enemy RPG. Probably.
"LITERALLY THE WORST."
Edric stood across from her, not quite sure what to say.
"Q-"
Before he could finish his thought, two snipers kicked open the door, which slammed into Edric and knocked him over, and as he landed on the floor the floor broke again, sending him into the room below where Crash and Kathy were about to make out.
In the distance, Kali Rana could be heard shaking her fist at the universe a second time.
Meanwhile, the two snipers quickly moved themselves into position, one on each of Maria's shattered windows. It had actually been two weeks since the last window had been shattered, but it hadn't been replaced yet because the cargo plane that was shipping it express from the manufacturer spontaneously exploded over Kansas.
The snipers began to give each other a series of expertly coordinated hand gestures, most of which involved pointing frantically outside and giving each other the middle finger. Unfortunately, they became a little too focused on each other and not enough focused on the M1 Abrams tank that crashed through the wall in between the two windows, instantly killing both snipers and Maria.
Wait, what?
Don't worry, it's k.
Maria respawned in the town below, confused as to why she was now equipped with an M16 assault rifle, some grenades, and a combat knife. She was about to just drop them when the house next to her spontaneously caught on fire, which caused her to drop them anyway.
But that's not a feature in C-
Shut up.
Ok.
Maria walked down the cobblestone streets of Pavella, curiously looking up at the Academy, which had a swarm of UAVs, AC-130s, and Little Bird helicopters circling around it and crashing into each other.
She decided to walk into the bar from Legends of Lavanya to get a drink. Unfortunately, the second she sat down three masked men came in brandishing M16s and held up the place. However, when they tried to shoot the bartender for resisting, all three of their guns jammed simultaneously. The bartender took the opportunity to pull out his shotgun from under the bar, but unfortunately it wasn't loaded and all of his ammo was upstairs. He decided to go get it, but at that exact moment a car fell from the sky and crushed the second floor. Soon after, the explosion that everyone was expecting as the plane that had the car in it crashed into the side of the mountain because its flaps had unexpectedly failed and stuck in the down position occurred.
The three robbers looked at the bartender.
The bartender looked at the three robbers.
Maria just wanted a drink.
"Look," one of the robbers stated. "I don't want to beat you up because I'm afraid my fists will break or something stupid."
"Same," said the bartender.
"Do this tomorrow?" another one said.
"Ye," said the bartender.
And thus the three robbers casually left the bar.
"So...how 'bout a drink?" Maria asked.
"Sure, what'll it be?" the bartender replied.
"I'll have a-"
"Nope, we're out of that."
"Wait, but I didn't even say what I wanted yet."
"Okay, try something else."
"Give me a-"
"Sorry, that's empty."
Maria stared at the bartender.
"Why do you-"
"Because we're out of everything."
"How?"
"Apparently the beer truck e-"
"Exploded?"
"How did you know?"
"I had a hunch."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Hey Thane."
Apophis stood across the demon.
"...what?" Thane replied.
"I'm cold."
"You're COLD?! We're in Hell. How can you be cold?"
Apophis merely pointed out the open door.
It was snowing.
In Hell.
"..."
"..."
"..."
Three seconds later, every officer in Hell was on the surface.
"All right, let's-"
"Not so fast."
The Hellspawn all turned in unison to see two police officers standing in front of a squad car, with their pistols drawn.
"...?"
"Do you see where you parked your portal, sir?"
"..."
It was clearly parked in a no parking zone.
Lucifer began to speak. "Look, we don't even have any control ov-"
"Quit with the excuses. I can see guilt a mile away."
"Who even are you?" asked Pace.
Apophis, Idolon, Thane, Macbeth, and Lucifer all facepalmed in unison.
"I'm the one asking questions," the police officer replied.
"But in case you somehow don't know, we are part of the Pavella Police Department," he explained, beaming with pride.
"Oh no! Our worst enemy! Let's scram!"
Everyone turned to face Pace.
It was plainly obvious that Pace had done nothing but watch Scooby-Doo reruns over the past three weeks.
The officers, of both Hell and police, where so dumbfounded by the inimitable Pace O. Shazt that they didn't notice the line of tanks, Humvees, footsoldiers, attack helicopters, gunships, and bicycles advancing towards them. Nor did they notice the fact that the police station was actually in an important strategic location.
Apophis was pleased to find that he did not have to use Nerf guns this episode, but was annoyed when he pulled a bone-stock loadout from his coat. "I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE MG36 YET?!" he exclaimed. Lucifer brought his ultra-1337 sniper rifle to bear, and all of Hell's officers brought their weapons to bear as well. With the advancing army square in their sights, Hell's officers were ready to rain He-
That's really lame.
Are you kidding me? I think it's legit.
Well you're stupid and also an idiot, so there's that.
Even the police officers were in on it, bragging to each other how they had prestiged 47 times in every Call of Duty® game including the first one and Vice City, so this would be a piece of cake.
Unfortunately, everyone lagged out and the server crashed.
-THE END-