Written on an Etherpad for Athalia's 5th anniversary on April 22nd, 2019.
There were two things Ryuu didn’t like about his predicament in the empty white room.
First, there was a girl he didn’t recognize, yet he felt uncomfortably familiar with. It was as if he saw her more times than even his own self in a mirror, with her red hair and odd tattoo on her face. Maybe she was pretty to an extent, but those who held three dimensions were- okay, fine, he couldn’t lie to his hormones, but what gives?
Then there was the other redhead who sneered at him with a shit-eating grin. He held a birthday cake, but it clearly wasn’t for Ryuu. Yet, Ganondorf approached the otaku, shit-eating grin intact, plastered on his face at full force.
As the tall Gerudo set the cake on a tauntingly tiny wooden desk in front of Ryuu, he crossed his arms, his shit-eating grin never-
“Stop calling it shit-eating.”
Ryuu raised an eyebrow, staring at the cake. Five candles.
“What’s this?” He asked.
“It’s Kek,” Ganondorf explained immediately. “Here in Noxonshaw, we show gratitude through Kek.”
“…This cake is on fire, Ganondorf.”
“Yes. But unlike the Hayabusa helmet, this flaming Kek doesn’t get shared with just anyone.”
“It looks like Duatos just shat it out in a second.”
Ganondorf shrugged. “That’s just, like, your opinion.”
“How? This thing is literally on fire AND it just so happens that it doesn’t even have a stable shape! Also, isn’t Noxonshaw de-”
“OH MY GOD NO-“
“Hey guys, what’s going ooOOAUGHHHHHHHHHHH-”
The instant moment Mark popped up behind Ganondorf with a cupcake in hand, the Gerudo suddenly grabbed the blond’s face before throwing the man straight at the Kek. Mark’s face slammed against the Kek harshly, yet the Kek refused to let its shape change.
In other words, it was strong enough to withstand a fully grown man’s head being slammed against itself.
“JESUS H. CHRIST IT’S NOT EVEN EDIBLE, ISN’T IT?!”
“EAT IT YOU FUCK BOY-“
As Mark rubbed his face in increasing pain, Ganondorf grabbed Ryuu by his collar and attempted to drag the otaku’s face down the lethal-looking cake.
Meanwhile, Sangue finally remembered she was supposed to do something the instant moment Ganondorf had shown up. Better late than never, though- that’s what she had always been told.
Pulling the string of a single party popper, she remained quiet as Ryuu began screaming with an ear-piercingly high pitch, with Ganondorf screaming for a less wholesome reason as they began to strangle each other near the Kek.
The door in front of her opened as Andromeda and Carmen walked in, the former shocked to see both an unidentifiable sludge and two grown men fighting right next to it, and the latter doing the exact same thing, only with wide smile. Edric walked in holding a few shopping bags- presumably because he wasn’t an asshole like all three of the men in the room aside from himself.
The three stared at Ryuu screeching like a little girl before turning to Sangue, clearly trying to register who she even was.
Her expression unchanging, Sangue softly announced,
“Happy birthday, Athalia.”