- Agent Smith
- Mark Noxus
- The Audience (aka The Mob)
- Dr. House when he's not serious
- "BUT WHO THE FK IS CALEB" Stalfos
- The cameraman
Totem - This one is self-explanatory.
Sanic - He boasts speed, power, and unpredictability. The only reason why he loses to Totem is because he's just not as broken as it is. His worst matchup in a fight is Shulk because he can see the future, and most of Sanic's attacks consist of ramming into things like the hedgehog he is. His best matchup is consisted of literally everyone else except for a serious Dr. House, who can beat anyone by leaving a battle.
Ganondorf - With a load of strength and a demonic amount of hidden endurance, Ganondorf is constantly seen as a weak host but is actually the strongest out of the saner hosts. His power to utilize dark magic and consistent results in battle easily makes him one of the strongest. He can also fly unlike nearly everyone else. His worst matchups are Mark Noxus and the Cameraman; Mark takes in regular attacks fairly well like most human beings, but he has an extremely high magic resistance that forces Ganondorf to fight with either his own body or his sword. The Cameraman can actually kick a lot of ass but he's usually holding back by holding the camera, which weighs just as much as a planet does. Ganondorf also loses to Link no matter what. Ganondorf's best matchups are against Megatron and Apophis, as he counters Megatron's size by being able to fly and Apophis' black magic by being able to cast black magic himself.
Megatron - Huge, enduring, and boasting a relentlessness that no other host has, Megatron is the hulking giant of the Noxonshaw crew. While his strength is overshadowed by his ass constantly getting handed to him by Optimus Prime, Megatron's sheer size automatically makes him a giant threat. His worst matchups are consisted of Agent Smith and Ganondorf, as both of them have some sort of flying power that coexists with immense power. His best matchups are consisted of Shulk and Mark Noxus, as they both tend to require teammates to battle against large opponents effectively- even if one of the two could see the future.
Apophis - With a frightening endurance and a seemingly endless amount of stamina, the only thing that holds Apophis back is the fact that he cannot collect souls effectively in the Noxonshaw (This leads to him basically being the Default Apophis excluding certain circumstances). Apophis carries a wild, yet calculated close-combat fighting style that out-shines his far-ranged combat easily. His worst matchups are consisted of Ganondorf and Mark Noxus; Ganondorf's ability to keep up with his stamina by consistently damaging him easily makes it hard for the soulless Apophis to beat him, and Mark Noxus has a bit of experience against magic-oriented fighters. Though Mark is as mortal as he could be against regular attacks, it is still good to keep in mind that Mark is quite skilled in disrupting fast-paced close-combat attacks before they overwhelm him through sheer speed. His best matchups are consisted of Shulk and Agent Smith, though he is only ahead of them by a bit. The main reason why he is mid-tier is due to the fact that most of his matchups are still winnable, making him more of an underdog.
Agent Smith - This guy is basically a Western Super Saiyan. He has a gun and insane superhuman strength, and can easily hack things to his favor. His best matchups are consisted of Mark Noxus and Megatron; his default arsenal of weapons- including himself- makes him a powerful threat to Megatron, and the lack of magic within Agent Smith allows him to almost pulverize Mark Noxus without really trying. His worst matchups are consisted of... nothing really counts as his worst matchup, actually. The only reason why he is surprisingly low in the tier list is because he needs to put effort into almost every attack and strategy he comes up with, thus making it hard for him to beat Ganondorf, Megatron, and Apophis in terms of strength.
Shulk - He can see the future! With a long beam blade and plenty of experience against a variety of foes, Shulk is one of the more balanced hosts in terms of power. His best matchup is consisted of Mark Noxus and Agent Smith, as both of them go up close and rarely use a plethora of far-ranged attacks aside from bullets. Like Agent Smith, aside from his worst matchups, Shulk has a good chance of winning no matter how bleak things could look for him. His Monado is not to be trifled with even if he himself has his own limits.
Mark Noxus - The main host of the show alongside Ganondorf. Ironically enough, he's the lowest tier among the hosts. He has a fairly dominant ground game and is still a threat when left alone. The only reason why he stands a chance is due to the strategies he could devise, though he does have certain match ups that are almost unwinnable such as Agent Smith.
The Audience - Composed of plenty of Stalfos, Iron Knuckles, and a bunch of other Zelda monsters, the Audience can actually kick ass when they need to- it's just that... they don't.
Dr. House (When He's Not Serious) - Dr. House can technically defeat everyone by flatout leaving battles without their consent. He never takes anything seriously in the Noxonshaw.
"BUT WHO THE FK IS CALEB" Stalfos - While he is usually comedy relief, if you think about it, this motherfucker always came back to get blasted by Carmen's Fuel Rod Cannon. The BWTFISC Stalfos is consistent with endurance, as seen in his previous Noxonshaw appearances.
The Cameraman - The cameraman is actually the Greek God Atlas, who has been tasked to carry a camera that is omnipotent in the Noxonshaw interviews and episodes instead of the huge world he was supposed to carry. Unfortunately, the camera is just as big as the planet... and just as heavy.