Noxonshaw S1E4: Ackbar Approves

Location: A floating white circle with video game scenery

Hosts: Mark Noxus, Ganondorf, Apophis, Agent Smith, Sanic, Megatron

Featured Guest: Cyber Kanine

Other Appearances: Carmen Calandra, Optimus Prime

---

A digital game world? Not quite.

Pixel-y? Sort of.

HD? Yup.

Lights? Check.

Camera? Check.

Action? Not yet. But soon enough, it'll be a big fat check.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN," Ganondorf shouted as he popped out of what appeared to be an inventory slot floating in the middle of the air. "Today, we are gonna rock your f--kin' world with NOXONSHAW! EPISODE FOURRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

A familiar crowd of Stalfos cheered like crazy. One of them clapped so fabulously, he was given a Raspberry award because... his fabulousness sucked. He was also immediately dispatched by several rockets to the face by one fashionable Halo weapon-branding skylark, who immediately vanished after the deed was explosively done. Some of the Stalfos clapped at Carmen for the sake of clapping. This time, there were several Iron Knuckles in the crowd as well, clapping as their metallic hands clanked loudly.

The Noxonshaw was being held on top of a strange, white circle, where various settings of video games floated by occasionally. The chairs were set up in the middle of the circle, and an invisible force field ensured that no one fell off the circle.

Mark Noxus popped out of an inventory slot as well, which floated at the very top of the force field. Appearing right beneath the top of the field, he immediately fell and sat on a chair, a grin present on his face, as he exclaimed,

"This time, we're doing our interview in a cybernetic world! Pretty strange. Even I haven't been to these kinds of places that often."

"I," Agent Smith, who suddenly appeared to be sitting on one of the chairs, said as he readjusted his tie, "am particularly interested in who our guest will be."

"i kno ikr bt srsyl whrer r wii"

But, this Noxonshaw was a little... different. For a new host sat amongst the chairs. He had missed out on the first three episodes despite being one of the original hosts to hold the Noxonshaw. He was a familiar figure within the Athalia universe; a man wearing loose skin, and a menacing grin that never faded away... unless he became incredibly angry. His torn suit pretty much gave off the rest of his messy personality.

"I will enjoy," Apophis, the Deity of Chaos, growled with an abnormally wide smile, "this merry event of pointlessness."

"...Eh, pointless, indeed," Mark Noxus said as Ganondorf proceeded to sit down on one of the chairs. "But who cares! We're about to get right in onto the show, just like any other episode! No need to get all sentimental."

"It's been months since we last held an interview," Ganondorf muttered with sentimentality.

"I have been preparing for a long time... just like I had for Mr. Anderson," Agent Smith said, nostalgia washing over his spirit.

"I've been preparing five hundrer years just for this episode," Apophis said for no reason.

"ive jfwbefnjakw fwaef wgoiwa" sanic sed(?).

"...Ehhh. Anyway! Let us move on!"

Mark Noxus, with a wide grin, motioned over to the guest chair next to him as he shouted, "Please welcome:

CYBER KANINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The audience roared. What did this person look like? Was it a doge? Was it a sprite? Was it literally a doge sprite? They all yearned to see who the guest was.

All of a sudden Cyber felt like he was in a different place, he was at a weird area with...frreaks nd what seems to be Agent Smith. "Okay what the Hell?!" He shouted, suprised of where he was and what was there. Looking around he saw video games that he played, this is so weird. It was like a dream...a very f-&@*@ up dream...must be some leftover pizza he ate or something really bad. He stood up, just wanting to know where the heck he was. He pointed at the weirdos there and cursed at them. " Who the fu-@&**% hell are you guys? What are you from some glitch or something? or just bad weird idiots? Tell where you came from or I will kick your asses." Cyber probably was a bit too mean but serioulsy he wanted to know where he was.

Some of the Stalfos were surprised, though most of them clapped at Cyber's language.

"Fiesty one, ain't he?"

"Wait, it's a he?"

"Of course, you numbskull. What, you'd think he's an amoeba?"

"I don't think amoebas were capable of cussing at us."

"...Remember the lava slugs Ganon put around his castle?"

"...Yeah?"

"Yeah, those guys told me that amoebas could cuss."

"What the fu-"

The iron knuckles clapped so hard, they accidentally killed their friends, who proceeded to cuss at them for being insensitive. Mark Noxus nodded, somewhat surprised to see the swear words being used in front of him right off the bat. Every other host seemed to simply be okay with the reaction, though Ganondorf still proceeded to ask Mark, "Can this guy kick our as-es?"

"...Maybe yours. Not mine."

"...D-ck."

The cowboy turned to Cyber, who looked particularly frightened, as he said,

"My fair lady- I mean, uh, lad, you are in the Noxonshaw. We interview random people, and we've done the same to some of your school's students. No, we're not bad... weird... idiots. Okay, maybe some of us are, but that's not our job here. We're here to-"

"MARK I THINK YOU SHOULD GET TO THA POINT, BRUH."

Agent Smith turned to Apophis, who was suddenly wearing a bling-bling necklace for no particular reason.

"...Yeah," Mark absent-mindedly rolled his eyes as he continued talking. "Anyway, just take a seat, we'll ask you some questions, have fun, and you'll be off to your world again. So, Mr. Kanine! Have a seat over there."

While Mark did make a kind smile, Ganondorf made a troll face as he simply stared at Cyber. Why he did this, no one knew.

Sanic began to intensify.

This is..stupidity at its finest, seriously this was just weird and stupid. This had to be a dream and if not, then what the hell was it? Cyber was actually suprised that most of them know that he was a guy, well he might have been abducted from somewhere and... "Wait, you know I am a guy? How the hell do you know? Did you.. Are you guys a bunch of perverts or something?" he asked, this was plain weird... "And you call me an amoeba? Seriously I will f*@^#*! kick your asses." Cyber was totally getting some gamer rage right there but hearing that he in a show he had to laugh. "A Noxonshaw? How named it that? That is so lame, like seriously who ever though of that man but be brain dead or something." feeling quite relax he sat down and sighed.

Question? Were they going to ask him questions? okay like a regular tv host show... "You interview some of other students? you got to be kidding me, like why should i even answer your question? Am I going to gain something out of it?" Cyber smirked, sticking his tonuge out. No way he would answer if there was nothing to gain from or he was being blackmailed for it.

Mark Noxus froze.

His head suddenly hung in depression as Ganondorf pat him on the back.

"It's okay, Mark. It's not your fault your last name is so f--king stupid."

"Ganon," Agent Smith said with his monotone voice, "you're not exactly helping at all."

Apophis laughed, his eyes about to burst out of his eyes sockets, as blood trickled down his mouth. He suddenly shoved his hand into his brains before tearing out what appeared to be a flash card soaked in his own blood.

"Oh," he mumbled, "there it is. I was wondering where the little f--ker went."

As the other hosts prepared their cards, Mark straightened up as if he got over Cyber's comment that indirectly insulted his very name. With a sigh, he told Cyber,

"Look, kid. I dunno about you, but I don't think we'd ever try to threaten people in a show that's being broadcasted live. There are more than thousands watching our show right at the moment."

"I think," Ganondorf butted in with a whisper, "you're breaking the fourth wall."

"...There's a fourth wall?"

The Stalfos laughed, clapping as some of them pointed at how sanic was intensifying. Apophis's torn smile grew even wider as he flipped through some of his flash cards, his bloody hands marking each card with his own blood.

"Ah, HA!" The Deity of Chaos giggled before shouting demonically. "I FOUND A TRAP CARD."

Ganondorf whispered to Mark's ear, "The irony."

"Can you, like, shut up for one second?"

As Mark and Ganondorf paid attention to Apophis again, the Deity of Chaos happily asked Cyber,

"What kinds of games do you like to play? Are there any 'favorites' among your consoles...? You don't have to list all of them out, you know. It saves time."

Apophis waited for Cyber to answer his question, staring directly into the boy's eyes with glee.

Cyber looked away from the creepr guy looking at him, this is still so weird...weirder than the time while playing gmod he got stuck in the wall... The fourth wall? thousands of people? are these guy even sane to hold a show? They don't seem like it... See even that weird guy says your name is stupid. He pointed at the weird guy (ganondorf) and giving him a thumbs up. That name was pretty stupid... Cyber looked at he guy whos eyes burst out, he wanted to punch him and run away, that was so goross. He played lots of gore games but seeing in real life...just gross."Games? uuhh Alot I guess... I guess the ones I really like to play is jrpg games like the world ends with you. I can't pick a favourite I play all games and even the crappy ones but hey can't say they are that bad." Cyber said to them waving his arms for fun of it. Atleast they weren't asking anything personal or he would be defiently try and beat them up.

Mark silently commended Apophis for asking a decent question on his first try. Turning back to Cyber, the cowboy looked down at the flash card as he commented, "Well, JRPGs are a classic. Some of the modern ones are actually pretty interesting."

"I like open-world adventure games," Ganondorf said.

Everyone briefly stared at Ganondorf, wondering if he knew the irony behind what he just said, before turning to Agent Smith.

"I like conversation-simulation games."

"..."

sanic quickly commented,

"i ilek rccng geamz."

Apophis blurted out,

"I like S&M-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAY!" Mark quickly interrupted Apophis with a loud voice, causing all of the Stalfos to automatically cheer for no reason. "With that said, let's go with another question! Mr. Kanine, I'd like to ask you something!"

Mark Noxus read out of the flash card, looking at Kanine curiously,

"It is said that you like kanines. What other animals would you be fond of other than dogs?"

Cyber nodded to creepy guy, open world game were pretty cool but some games like destiny...uuhh what the hell happen to it... Sometimes game developers get so stupid...he put his ring finger on his chin and taught qietly...what other animals did he like? He did like pandas, adorable chubbies of cuteness but he had a soft spot for penguins... "UUhh Anything cute honestly, anything I can snuggle with then ya. I really like cute s-&^." Cyber answered while starting to relax, this weird atmospshere still hasn't left but it seemed atleast it was calming down.

The audience murmured amongst them, most of them making fairly satisfied expressions. One of the Stalfos quietly asked another Stalfos,

"So... is talking about the figurative sh-t or the literal sh-"

"Shut up, you doofus."

Mark, on the other hand, felt curious. With a curious grin, he asked Cyber, "Hm. What kind of animal would qualify for having cute qualities?"

"uuhh I guess penguins, seals, pandas, rabbits, racoons, kittens... really anything pretty cute I would snuggle it bad. to death maybe...eehh maybe not I am not eager mack killer face like there..." Cyber answered and pointed at creepy guy again (apophis), now he really wanted to hug something cute.

Apophis waved at Cyber.

Meanwhile, Mark nodded, happy with the answer he received. He then motioned for Agent Smith to ask a question.

The Stalfos prepared themselves to be bored to death.

With a monotone voice, the Agent looked down on his card with a stoic expression. He then looked back up before asking Cyber,

"Perhaps.... this'll be interesting. Are you the type of person to stick with a favorite kind of class non-stop throughout an RPG, or are you the type of person to utilize a variety of classes in exchange for less power and slower progression?"

Ganondorf quickly commented, "I came out in Hyrule Warriors, so-"

"Shut up, Ganon."

Ganondorf slapped Mark like a b-tch.

He stuck his tongue out to creepy guy again and continue to answer the question."Well I do finsh a game first by picking my favourite class but then I restart the game and play new classes, experiment a bit. Like this game Fantasy life, I can choose lots of classes there and it actually let experiment with new classes that I didn't know that existed." He slouched down on the chair crossing his legs and yawning a bit. "I do experiment wil lots of classes, I am no one pick person really...so next question?."

Agent Smith nodded. "It seems that you enjoy a wide variety of classes. I remember when Mr. Anderson wanted to do a variety of things as we-"

Many of the Stalfos groaned, letting Mark immediately take over. With a somewhat humored expression, Mark Noxus commented,

"Well, I guess he has a similar playstyle like mine. ANYWAY! Let's move on."

The cowboy motioned for Ganondorf to ask a question. The King of Evil cleared his throated, crossing his legs in the most manliest way possible, before leaning over, asking Cyber,

"What would you do if you really turn into a girl?"

Apophis spit out the coffee he was drinking, spraying it all over one of the Iron Knuckles on accident. Mark nearly ripped apart the card he was holding, Agent Smith stiffened, and sanic proceeded to intensify.

They all had to admit, they were curious about that question.

Cyber was slightly shock with the new question, now what if he was really a girl? He has been acting like a girl alot but he never thought of himself being a girl... "I...I don't know...it would probably have a different affect on my looks, i would look more of a guy I think. I really don't know if I was a girl, I act as a girl so...yup no clue...maybe if do look like a guy maybe flirt a bit with girls?" He answered, interesting question quite actually. He never really though of that scenario... "it depends it what I feel, maybe I would like hide my gender again and trip some peeps...thats pretty fun."

The Stalfos laughed, some of them laughing at Cyber's remark, some of them laughing at how Ganondorf was staring at Mark Noxus's soda can intently. Some of them thought they were in a sitcom, rather than an interview.

The Iron Knuckles clapped again, though they were no longer killing anything because the dudes around them got pwned.

Ganondorf woke up from his stare, immediately waving off Cyber to silently say that he was done with him. Mark Noxus nodded before looking at the watch.

He stared at it a little bit before looking back up.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I think that's all for today, folks! Well, that's all for the stuff on-screen, at least. We will come back when Megatron decides not to assault his own show for the time being. Until then, see y'all later!"

Right after Mark finished talking, an explosion rung outside of the floating circle.

And then, it happened.

Michael Bay explosions echoed throughout the strange world the Noxonshaw was being taking place in. Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons, hopped across several floating television screens as he roared,

"WHERE... IS THE CUUUUUUUUUUUUBE?!!!"

And a Stalfos decided to let out an obligatory Transformers 4 reference as he screamed,

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Megatron clawed through the floating objects that proved to be obstacles in front of him, growling and roaring across the way. He was moving straight toward the circle, his eyes glowing violently red as havoc echoed across everywhere he moved.

"AH, HA HA HA HA HA! CYBERTRON WILL BE MINE TO RULE! I WILL REBUILD IT... WITH THE CUBE!"

"Someone needs a hug."

All of the hosts turned to give Apophis a sarcastic, yet somewhat knowledgeable look.

And then, as quick as he appeared....

"MEGATROOOOOON!"

A valiant blue robot appeared, literally flying out of nowhere below the circle, crashing into Megatron right before he even had the chance to touch the force field protecting the circle.

"NO!" Megatron screamed as Optimus Prime began to fly out of the mysterious world. "I WILL NOT BE DENIED!!! NOOOOOOO!"

"This universe, no matter how vast, will never be big enough for you and I to coexist, Megatron!" Optimus Prime said, instantly gaining five thousand fans just for saying that phrase.

And thus, the two Transformers vanished...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...Or, so they thought.

Suddenly, Megatron came back down, Optimus Prime falling down as well.

"Ah, HA HA HA!"

Then, everyone saw the unspeakable before their eyes. Within Megatron's hands was...

"THE CUBE IS MINE! AH, HA HA HA HA HA!"

At this, Ganondorf screamed like a girl before bolting out of his chair, instantly creating a portal for him and his audience. The dark portal remained open for a fair while, while Agent Smith bolted into a digital portal he created. The man left behind two more portals, for Apophis had somehow vanished out of existence. Even Sanic was gone at this point.

"Uh, Cyber?"

Mark asked, relatively calm about the entire situation, as he turned to the boy. Megatron was caught by Optimus again, though this time, they were fighting very close to the circle. The cowboy had a patient look on his face.

"Just a quick question, but, uh... what usually happens after people figure out you're a boy?"

Cyber watched the stupitidy and insaity, it got to be a freaking dream... he sighed getting annoyed but still answered the question. "I don't know, they usually beat me up, well I beat them up first. Other will of course get mad and try to black mail me for some s*&$, creepy pervs... But most of the time they are wierded out and say I am a freak. I dson't blame them though... I kind of...toy with them alot...pretty funny actually." He wa showing a bit of his sadistic side, well not really sadistic but more...pranker side. It was just fun to see peole be weirded out or just be in shock when they find out about the truth.

Mark nodded. He actually met a boy back in his world who had a similar backstory, though that dude ended up turning into some freaky monster thing. And as someone who once saw misunderstandings from different perspectives, he understood Cyber.

With a much calmer tone, he asked Cyber,

"What about your friends? Do they know you are a boy?"

Cyber looked away for a moment, was he talking about past friends or new friends? if it was the past then...he had no really much friends but if now friends then that a different story... "Uuhh if past friends then I had no friends... so no one knew except my family." he was pretty lonely as a kid, no one really like him, it was sad a bit. "but if now friends you are talking about then I do have one person...her name is Save she ya.. knows I am a boy. Still don't know how she found out but eh whatever... the others, like Alistair don't know." He looked at the floor and became a bit quiet.

Mark took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, taking one cigarette before letting it rest between his lips. He seemed to think about something deeply. Right before he lighted the cigarette, he suddenly put away the lighter, letting the thing rest between his lips.

The cowboy slowly put away the cigarette as well, as if he looked annoyed at the very thought of smoking right in front of a student, before he spoke,

"And what do you feel when you're with people who know the truth?"

Mark Noxus stood up, stretching his back as Megatron was punched across the face by Optimus Prime.

"You know, I know that there aren't a lot of people who are mistaken as a girl at a first glance. And there are some people out there who just have some wrong intentions."

The cowboy began to walk towards one of the portals as he said,

"I'm sure you'd find a better video game in finding those who can understand you."

Cyber nodded and rubbed his head, when will this end? all these question...so like lame... "Uh, awkward...like they can shout my secret to everyone in seconds.... I dont like that but if they try to I kick them hard at their...parts...boy or girl." he answered, he then feeling quite lazy and fix himself to nearly lay down on the chair. " I prefer video games than relaity, no douches or idiots telling me I can't do this or that. Plus I can be accepted their than here...feel much...happier...no drama..well except for plot in games but ya I totally prefer that than...yaa that stuff..." He closed his eyes feeling again a bit lazy.

Mark chuckled. Perhaps Cyber would eventually learn something... different. Maybe it was because he had not grown up enough yet. But then again, growing up never ended in the development of humans.

Humans...

As usual, they were all foolish, and as usual, they entertained him with their problems. And he found greater entertainment in fixing such problems up, no matter how little others attempted to listen to him.

Because in most cases, people did not like bad endings in their lives.

"Believe what you want, kid," Mark said without turning to Cyber. "A game can't be made without drama. A game never always accept everyone, and the people that play such games just might agree."

Right before he walked into one of the portals, he muttered with a grin,

"Though, it ain't always a bad thing to mischievous once in a while. Once in a while, that is."

With that, Mark Noxus vanished. Megatron finally collided against the force field, his eyes glowing brightly as he instantly broke the petty shield.

"BOYYYYYYYYYYYYY! GIVE ME THE CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!!! YOU HAVE TAKEN IT?! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Megatron swung a fist towards where Cyber was. If Cyber moved out of the way, he would proceed to launch a bunch of missiles at the boy until he left. Optimus Prime shook his head far away, dazed by some damage he received, before running towards where Megatron was.

Imminent destruction of the world awaited.

Cyber didn't much care about what the weird cow boy guy said, he can deal with all of his drama alone. he can do whatever he feels like. Seeing the weird robot guys he ran off into the portal sighing. Hoping to maybe wake from that werid dream...if it was a dream... maybe.

Megatron roared when Optimus collided against him.

And so, the entire place blew up.